Caution: This is a long one
I am aware that this post may cause a ruckus,
although, my opinionated nature has never been a real secret. I think what's essential for each of us is to
believe in whatever the hell we want, and to mind our own damn business on the
topic of religion. I feel more uncomfortable when people ask about religion
than I do when they ask about having a husband.
I've always been in awe of people that
believe in a God of some sort and/or spirituality. Some days it might be nice
to have a backup plan, but (unfortunately) I don’t work that way. I do find religion fascinating.
I've never really struggled with my
faith. In all my ups and downs in life, I am satisfied with knowing that I
should do the best that I can and leave some sort of legacy and impression on
the world. By world I mean my
world. I hope to leave memories and love
with my family and friends, and even those that know me only briefly. It’s a
very unambiguous way to think of things, knowing I have one shot at this
life. It’s a bit heavy for some to
consider, I understand. But it’s always
been enough for me.
“God has a plan,” “Things happen for a
reason,” “It wasn’t meant to be,” “God never gives you more than you can
handle,” “You have to have faith.” I struggle with all of these. At least
one of them I’ve used before, more than once. Sometimes, shit happens(!), and
we say what we can to comfort people. When there are no explanations, we often
go to “comfort clichés.” I can’t fault anyone for that; sometimes it’s just
nice to say, or hear anything, especially for situations you don’t understand.
During the rocky year when I was trying to get pregnant, I kept hearing that
it will happen when it’s supposed to, or to have faith... What did I expect
anyone to say? It’s shitty to go through and it’s even shittier to comfort
someone going through it. It (obviously) worked out. Hence the adorable
ginger you see constantly on my Facebook and Instagram! But it sure wasn't on my terms. Shocker…
It’s very hard to go
through that and not have faith in something larger, believe me. It’s times
like that when you rely on your own intuition and strength. It’s not easy, that
I will say.
Now add a child to the mix.
I wondered if I would change my views…
all the while knowing that is not in my nature. I know people that have kids
and start going to church more and becoming more active in faith organizations,
or just have stronger beliefs. I can certainly understand how that happens when
you have someone other than yourself to consider. Someone once asked me, “Well,
what are you going to tell Atticus when someone close to him dies?” Now THAT is a very loaded and monumental
question. It didn’t take me long to answer… And I’ll tell you that answer. But first…
I don’t think it’s what you say to your
kids that’s so critical (don’t read too much into that). Meaning: I don’t think
it’s detrimental to your child’s mental health for you to tell them you believe in
God or not, or people go to heaven, or
there is no higher being. I think what we need to remember is that kids need
stability, compassion, and independence.
They need a choice. And most importantly, they need to know that their
parents know what they believe in and stand by it. I think indecisiveness is the murderer of independence in children.
Don’t freak out because I put that in
bold. I just feel strongly about it for myself. Children need things to be
outlined for them. They need answers one way or another. Black or white. How can they become their own people when they
don’t see their parents making direct decisions or standing for something.
There’s a saying (and fabulous country song) that I LOVE: “You’ve got to stand
for something or you’ll fall for anything.” I agree, do it!! I get that some
things will be in the middle as they get older, but when they are wee ones,
they need a little assurance and decisiveness from the people they look up to.
I sure hope Atticus doesn’t just go
with what Jen or I believe in. [Insert here that we do not have the exact same
beliefs]. I hope he figures it out for
himself, and I have no preference. If he became a priest I’d be happy (Aries: I
function with extremes, mind you). I mean, I want him to be happy, intelligent,
and completely his own person. Some
parts of my life were not ones I had any control over, so I made a deal with
myself that I would allow Atticus to grow into his own and be in total control of his life. My only job is to love and protect him above all else. I
will not live through him, I will not choose his life path, and I will not
place emphasis on what I think he should do. I will just support, and step in
as he requests. I do say all of this
knowing that I have the ability to change my mind. I say this mainly because I
do not want him playing football. Sorry
Jen. CONCUSSIONS!!
Okay, so back to what happens when
people die. My response to that question was this:
I will tell him that when people die our
memories of them become part of who we are. Those people remain with us by our
choice to remember them always. I think it would be easier for me to say they
went to heaven; little kids seem to accept that answer. The problem is, I don’t believe that myself.
I don’t want to give him the impression that my beliefs waiver when something
bad happens. People die and they become part of the earth again, whether they
are buried in the earth or their ashes are scattered into the wind. They just
become part of this world again after death. That comforts me as much as death
can comfort anyone, and I will share that with Atticus one day. Although, I
hope it’s very far into the future.
So you can say Atheist, Agnostic,
whatever… People tend to walk farther
from you if you say Atheist, so I just never really say anything. I do promise though that I don't bite, even if you disagree! I don’t put
up a fuss when someone says they’re praying for me: I find it endearing actually. We share our beliefs and rituals as best we can with others, and the
meaning is always what matters. If you tell me I’m going to hell for being gay
I’ll probably just raise an eyebrow. I’m not 20 anymore… I won’t tell you how I
used to react to that sort of thing. If you know me well, you don’t need an
explanation.
I have learned that you CANNOT change
someone’s beliefs easily, especially with your own opinion, or even with logic.
I used to be so annoyed by that. Now I realize that is a trait I respect more
than ANY OTHER. If you believe in it then by all means stick with it. If you
falter, I lose my faith in who you told me you were. I don’t think we need to
advertise it, but isn’t that what I’m doing right now? GUILTY. Spewing my belief secrets for a blog
post. [shaking my head].
That’s it for now y’all. Thanks for taking the time to read my
ramblings as always.
xoxo
