Tuesday, August 5, 2014

What a difference a year makes!!

Motherhood… What can I say…  HOLY SHIT YOU GUYS!!!

I've now experienced it for one full year. I've learned so many lessons about who I am, what Jen and I are capable of as a team, and how I've changed or need to change.
Let me make this a list, to simplify my journey so far…

Things I've discovered as a new mom:

1.  You can actually survive off of very little sleep

2.  I really really suck at that part

3.  Teamwork is the ONLY way to parent. Someone always does more in one area, but you have to try and even the score. You're way too exhausted for a divorce anyway!!

4.  Air on weenie = yellow rain shower (that shit stains wall paint by the way).

5.  I must attempt to control my swearing... (See above)  Or pray he has a lisp so the swear words are not detectable.

6.  Do not take advice from anyone, but listen to everyone. Hey, I'm stubborn, and I will always do what I feel is best... But having a million options can't hurt! You'll get that one random Facebook message from an  obscure 'friend' that will save your life one night at 2am.

7.  Your baby is just right. You hear me?! My son is chunky. No, we didn't overfeed him as a newborn, and no he doesn't eat junk food. He's a BIG baby, and he was born a BIG BABY. Suck it. I'm a chubby baby chaser!

8.  ACCEPT help. Friends offer to cook and clean, say yes. Family wants to watch the baby so you can sleep, do it!! The bottles will get washed, the laundry folded, and the dogs walked... But your sanity may run the hell off!

9.  DATE NIGHTS. If you are married, and you'd like to stay that way, leave your baby!! The sooner the better. When you trust others to watch your baby, your baby trusts others. This comes in handy for all sorts of life events for your kid: Like LIFE!!

10. Sex: You'd rather sleep. You'd rather sleep. Don't beat yourself up about it. Sleep!!! Do IT when you can put in some effort! No need to make it dull yet!

11. Do something alone! Go to Target. Take a 15 minute pee. Sit in your car and call your best bud. Sleep in your car at lunch. Go workout... Point?! You need alone time!! You will not survive the first year without some reminder that you are a real, independent person who resembles your old pre-baby self.

12. Go away overnight!! Yes, in addition to date night. This relates to #10.  We trusted good friends and a grandma to watch Atticus overnight, and let me tell you, it was the most amazing thing ever. Sleeping passed 6am with no disruption has no comparison. If you don't have family to watch your bundle, then prep your friends if they offer. And if they have kids then they are pros!!  If you breastfeed, you better pump ahead y'all!! It is so worth it. Did I miss him? Mostly. (Do not pretend to judge) Enough to ruin my trip? Hell no. Does this make me a bad mom? Absolutely not. It makes me a better mom. We come home refreshed, happy, fed, showered, and connected. Priceless.

13. Buy toys from yard sales!! That's why they make Lysol wipes... Cooties smoothies, toys are way overpriced!!

14. Doctor tells you one thing, and you don't agree? Try it your way. You're the mom. Atticus ate adult food way before the doctors said he would... We cut it up real small like. Use your best judgement! Does this apply to actual medical advice? No. Vaccinate your children! Measles is on the loose!

15. You are not crazy when you go poke your baby or feel for his or her breath at 1am.

16.  Strangers touch your baby.. I'm biased, but if you seem nice (and semi clean) then by all means tug at his toes. Caution: You get a reaction based on his mood.  But do keep your dirty kids away from my baby!!

17.  Public meltdowns. They will happen. Plenty. Smile, and keep tossing shit in your basket. Or, go feed him, or leave. It happens to every parent. If you see this happening, smile at that poor parent.  If you haven't been there you will be!

18.  Doorbells, knocks, and dogs are the devil at naptime and bedtime. I have been downright rude to all mail delivery people, fedex, neighbors, and missionaries.. Save them a bad day and make a sign for the door!

19.  Bedtime is the best part of the day. It doesn't make you an ass. Watch some tv, eat, and sit on the sofa without having to use your ninja skills to drink water while preventing a concussion and changing a diaper.

20.  Your life will never ever be the same. How you cope will make or break you. So take some time to be you. Your kid will get the best YOU if your are not constantly just a mom.

This was my year in a nutshell. I know I left out so much.  This year was the fastest year of my life. I look back at photos from this time last year, and I met my son in less than a day.  It seems like a dream... And not in a winning the lottery or hot naked celebrity way... It was a whirlwind!!
People tell me that you forget how hard the first year is... I call bullshit!

It's so hard. Well worth it, but the hardest part of my life so far, and I won't forget the long nights, the crying with no end in sight, the random colds, teething... And I especially won't forget my beautiful pain in the ass. He's worth every bit of it. (minus the teething of molars!)

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