3...2...1... You're Parents!!

Oddly enough, I am writing this blog from a calming bubble bath with a trusty friend: a glass of wine.  TMI you might say; however, the last few weeks, at the tail end of this pregnancy, have been riddled with advice from friends, family, and strangers alike. "Sleep as much as you can," "relax," "go on dates," "your lives are about to change forever."  I am trying to take the advice of every single person we know, which is why I am compelled to write my last potential pre-baby blog in the tub, with wine. I am still unsure of exactly how one prepares for a baby. For those that know me, I like to know exactly what is going on at all times; you say neurotic, I say extremely prepared!! I ask way too many questions and I like to stay three steps ahead. So what does this pregnancy mean for me? It means that I cannot plan one single thing, that this baby will show up when he damn well pleases, and I will always be a few steps behind.

His room is ready, we have enough diapers and wipes for five months, clothes until he is one, and  enough 'stuff' to keep him occupied for years: Not to mention enough love to last him well into his teens and annoy the shit out of him!! I already see myself teaching him to drive, begging that he get a 'rad' car, and teaching him that a stick shift is much cooler than an automatic. I see Jen sitting down with him filling out college applications, reminding him to strive for success, and holding back tears all the while. I can see into the future, yet I cannot picture what our life will be like in the next few weeks. The unknown usually makes me anxious, grouchy, and a tad paranoid (I sound fun huh); but now I find myself just a little relieved that I'm out of the cosmic loop. Whatever happens next is not in my plan, and that is strangely comforting.

I have been so scared this entire time about bringing a baby into this world. Are we ready? Will our relationship be strong enough? Will we be able to take care of him? How will we pay for college? When should he have a sibling?... The list goes on and on. I don't think enough people talk about these things out loud. I felt like a terrible person thinking this way, and being anxious... and I thought I was surely alone. Let me just clear this up for all new parents; this is normal. I'm scared to death! Do you know why?? Because this little guy is coming into OUR lives, and we are solely responsible for his childhood memories, how he handles his first breakup, his morals, and the way he treats his future partner. You think that is not an insane amount of pressure?? Think again my friend!!!  I was worried about being scared (imagine that, me worried), but I realize now that I am mentally preparing to be a parent, not freaking out because I'll be horrible.

I want to succeed at this next step in life, more than I've wanted anything... And I want to do it as a team... I was so concerned that Jen and I wouldn't  be on the same page the entire time, and guess what? We won't be!! The gift that comes along with two parents is two perspectives... Will it always be seen as a gift? Doubtful! However, he will have two parents that love him and that will give him two different views on life while maintaining a unified front. Is this all wishful thinking, and my hidden optimistic side coming alive? Maybe, but I like to think that if you work hard enough you can do anything. There may be a good many crap days in the middle, but without hard days you cannot define the great ones.

So here we are, a technical two and a half weeks from his arrival, and I'm now a prune. I'd like to think a more enlightened prune, mind you.  On a more medical note: Jen is one centimeter dilated, 70% effaced, and our noodle is head down and ready!! He is now over 7.5 lbs! We cannot wait to meet our little chubster, and yes, you can bet on lots of photos once he arrives.

The next time you read this blog we will be moms to a beautiful wailing baby boy!! Thank you to all who have trudged along on this journey with us; your love and support is the main reason we feel strong enough to be great parents!!

Xoxo

Who's Your Daddy

Let me preface this blog by stating that I do not wish to be in the category with those in the Gay community that like to picket or rant and rave constantly about being treated unfairly. Do I believe it is sometimes necessary for a select few to behave in that manner as representation during important milestones, sure. I am just not a soapbox connoisseur.  I am of the opinion that we should all pick our battles wisely. Complaining about every detail is not only exhausting, it is in most cases futile.

So that being said, I am being enlightened regarding my role in the baby's life (or rather, other's opinion of said role). Our hospital orientation proved to me that being a parent is earned, as well as proved to all around you.  I can scream all day that I am the baby's other parent, but I may not always be seen that way. Biology tends to render some people flat out moronic.  I do understand that our lifestyle is not the same as others, nor do I care. Families come in all shapes and sizes, along with numerous parenting schemas.  However, the reaction and lack of knowledge by some is quite troubling to me, especially in large corporate environments.  

During our orientation the word 'dad' was used frequently by hospital staff, as it should be.. IN ADDITION to coach or partner or significant other.  During our hospital tour we were informed that baby bonding time includes only mom and dad, that dad and two guests are allowed in the delivery room, and the cafeteria is where dads love to hang out! Well I love food as much as all dads, I hope to be a 'guest' in the delivery room, and I'd sure like baby bonding time!!  

We were told this is a language choice by some hospital employees and that they try to include all parents. Language choice? Is it your choice to exclude, through bad word choice, those that are so excited to become parents.. in any form? This is not solely based on OUR feelings for ourselves; this is for all the single mothers as well. How terrible to be at an orientation alone and have the word 'dad' thrown in your face. Why not make them wear a Scarlet S.. SINGLE, please judge.  Maybe I exaggerate the impact, but I do not exaggerate the importance of word choice.  I know this is a battle we will face with future teachers, coaches, and other parents.  

My son does not have a dad. 

>for effect<  My son does not have a dad.

He has two loving mommas, and many many friends and family (male and female), that love him more than words already! He has a donor, which in no way resembles a dad. We often hear people call their dads sperm donors, when that dad is not, nor has ever been, in their life as a father figure. That is so absolutely correct! A dad is not made a dad by biology, any more than a mom is a mom solely by egg donation.  That term is reserved for the loving, participating, worn out, disciplining, there-every-day,  PTA involved, homework guiding, butt-wiping, sleepless parent(s).

Bottom Line:  Do I want to go yell at someone or cause a fuss at a hospital about a select few only using the word dad?  NO. I will conduct myself as a respectable MOM and possibly make a t-shirt that states 'I'm the Daddy,' or "I'm the Other Momma.'  Just for clarification of course.  Have you heard the saying "you get more bees with honey, than you do with vinegar?" Well let me tell you, you get more gay supporters with a sense of humor and honesty than you do with a picket sign or a rally.

I hope to spread awareness on the importance of word choice, and how loving excited moms like myself, get their bubble popped on a special day due to 'language choices.'



"I can stand brute force, but brute reason is quite unbearable. There is something unfair about its use. It is hitting below the intellect."  ~Oscar Wilde

Sneak Peek!

Here's a little peek into our Maternity Photos. More to follow soon..

Please note that our Fray is not possessed.. he's just not as photogenic as the rest of us in this photo. :)

The Nugget's Room

Can I just say that I LOVED decorating this baby room. Jen had to tell me enough is enough several times (I obviously ignored her); I just kept wanting to add more and more! I even had a back/shoulder injury from leaning over on the floor painting for days, but it was so worth it. I hope one day he can appreciate it. And I secretly hope he asks me to change it when he's three so I can paint cars, wild animals, or scenes from his favorite books!!!

So, here are pictures of the baby's room! We are completely finished, minus a few last minute touches. I had a blast painting and designing his little monsters. I want to change the décor every year just so I can redo it with all the ideas in my head! Too many ideas, only one baby...

I know Jen wants a superstar athlete... But I do hope he's a book nerd, a musician, and a painter as well!  This poor kid!!  :)

Arizona Baby Shower!

Our wonderful friends in Arizona put on one fantastic baby shower! We are lucky to have awesome supportive friends and family. Our California shower is creeping up slowly and we are so excited to prepare and get it going!! I'll post pictures from there too, of course!

 

Here are some photos of the shower in AZ (for those non Facebook people)  :)

 

 

Special thanks to Rita and Anna for hosting a great shower!!