Many people may think that because we are gay, that we get some secret manual on how to live, make a baby, and raise a family. Well, I wish! I had no clue how to have a baby with a woman (but ask me now!), or what to expect when she's expecting (future book title y'all!?). I may have lived my life geared in one direction, but I was not preparing for this in my 20's, I can tell you that!!
There are not any real books on what the kiddo will call each of us, what the non-pregnant mom can expect, the feelings that happen for each mom, who explains that weird thing between his legs (or do we pin it on Peepaw), how to pay for daycare (and how damn pricey it is),who teaches him baseball (not it!)... Granted, he is one lucky kid and we will figure it out, but getting there is pure trial and error (as it is for any new parent). These are some things that most parents struggle with... However, the dad may usually go over the whole weenie thing.. And I think I am stuck with that task. eeek
I can say that I may have an upper hand on most men... Home Court Advantage (don't be dirty y'all). I have hormones, PMS, PMDD, hate-the-world-for-no-reason days... You name it, if it is a terrible feminine quality, I have it. HOWEVER, pregnancy hormones still baffle the hell out of me. But besides me, I think Jen is more shocked than anyone, bless her heart. She is the rock in this group of two, and we have a man down!!!
When she cries for no reason, sometimes I feel like I might go right there with her! I have no clue what to do. It makes me realize.... THOSE POOR GUYS!!!! What the hell do they do: take up a sport, purchase lots of pregnancy massages, start drinking, buy flowers daily??? I am more understanding than most men would be, and I still have moments of stupidity; I argue back WITH A PREGNANT WOMAN!! Let me tell you, that is not a good idea. She is not mad at me, she is mad at Mother Nature for toying with her, and I just happen to be standing there.
She is a hormonal puppet.
For those mothers out there, please tell us these hormonal personality changes are temporary!! Jen is petrified (uh, me too), that these changes will last forever. I hear all the time that no one prepares pregnant women for the changes they go through, and I find that to be true. I also know that no one prepares the other parent for those changes either!
So, lots of people blow smoke up our arses about how wonderful the process is, and while I am not diminishing this little miracle, there just are not enough realists out there! The changes that Jen is experiencing do not resemble any miracle-like phenomena. It does not hurt the little miracle's feelings for you to be a real person. Let me preface this by saying, WE ARE BEYOND HAPPY, especially since we tried for almost two years to get this little turkey!! That goes without saying... but it is also good for us to plan, and freak out, and worry, OH, and then Freak Out!!! The changes for Jen are tough, I'm trying to adapt, and we know our lives will never be the same. We have a great life, we love hanging out alone, with friends, and just doing what we want, when we want, and having a little money to spare. We are better off than many many people.. and we are grateful.
However, that does allows for a moment of mourning for this life, and transition into our new life as parents. Once he arrives we will be drunk with happiness, and all these arbitrary things will fall into place. Love will take over (at least for a few weeks until we are sleep deprived), and we will mosey on into mom life! What we are learning from this experience is that for every little moment of getting what you want, you get a little wrench thrown in your plans. This is teaching us both to go with the flow more, and to allow ourselves time to adjust, to freak out, and then to relax.
In the end, we get a baby; and with lots of work we get the stable, happy, crazy, fast-paced, sleep-deprived, bags under the eyes, non spontaneous movie night, horrible hair, vomit on our shirts, unwatched DVR, mix-matched socks, non-sleeping in, no relaxing tub and wine session, over-the-top, AMAZING life that we wanted!!
“To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.” ~Tennyson
"Grow old with me! The best is yet to be." ~Robert Browning
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