Momma, why can't you get married?

This is a question I hope we never have to answer.

We don't post rainbow flags in our yard, we don't run around yelling to others about gay rights, and we don't care what others think about our lifestyle. In fact, I hardly ever realize we're gay! I'm 'married' to my best friend like many others I know, so I am blind to any difference.  However, with a baby on the way I am more aware of inequalities and how they will affect our little one.  HE is the one that will have to answer questions in school and possibly get picked on... Although, here in California I think that is less likely to occur. I don't want to have to explain these differences to him.
It is the parents of other children that set the precedent and breed ignorance. I am really hoping for a federal legalization of gay marriage. I don't want it just in California.. I feel we are lucky to be in a more liberal state, but I feel horrible for those back in my home region, and close-minded states, whose governments are still fighting Domestic Partnerships. Unless we go federal they will not stand a chance. Their children will be asking the same questions as mine...

The problem is that people feel entitled to their right to get married, and for it to remain between a man and a woman.  ENTITLED. I just love that word.... Let me tell you, the founding fathers felt rather entitled to write what suited them best, to our benefit or loss, but times have changed.  We allow our country to grow along with technology and innovations in medicine, but what we leave behind is equality for the humans that make these innovations possible! We don't really have the RIGHT to do anything.. How egotistical of us Americans!!   Those in other countries then, should have the RIGHT to eat, and to feel safe, and to speak their minds without fear of death...  This is an issue of a level playing field, no one should have different 'rights' than others in ANY REGARD.
We are privileged, that is all.

The supposed sanctity of marriage will not be damaged by a gay invasion!! GAYVASION!!!
My parent's generation, some of them, are on their 3rd, 4th, and 5th time around... And of course, some in the gay community will make stupid rash decisions just like some heterosexual couples... Hello, 16 and pregnant AND married!!! Why can someone run to Vegas, drunk, and get married, just to annul it later, but I can't marry my baby's mom?!? It's rather silly to me that it bothers anyone... I know it will be a game changer, and it will affect more than what we realize... But it's time people! I can set my DVR from my phone, and I can track my dog with a microchip, and we put a man on the moon, AND cars no longer use just gas.. but I can't get married??  It's just a simple PRIVILEGE that people take for granted, that means the world to so many...

I do understand that it's a hard transition for a good many people. I grew up thinking marriage was only for a man and a woman also... so does it sometimes feel weird when a woman calls another woman her wife, or when a man calls another man his husband.. Well yeah.. Admitting that doesn't make me any less gay.  If it's different for me, then imagine how others feel that don't live in my world. We educate ourselves on acceptance of others, and eventually these things are the norm.

I just want my kids to not feel different than their friends.. to understand that they can love whoever they choose, and do it with pride, safety, and confidence. ONCE I hope.

I hope one day we look back on this as we did with Women's Suffrage and the African American Civil Rights Movement. It seems unreal that it was ever any other way. I hope my grand kids study the Gay Rights Movement in school one day, in awe that things were ever this way.

I am proud to see so many red equality signs on my Facebook today... And not all from the gay community..  <3


“The idea is to write it so that people hear it and it slides through the brain and goes straight to the heart.”  ~Maya Angelou

Fingers, and toes, and bones, oh my!!

Yes, they are all there! Everything is located where it should be, and with the correct quantity! We had our anatomy scan today to make sure the baby is developing as he should... and he sure is.  He loves laying with his little feet pulled all the way to his head.. Downward-Baby move!!!   I'm not quite sure how he got MY flexibility, because Jen can barely lean to touch her toes before the pregnancy!

Our little boy is also beginning to kick, but for the most part it just feels like gas pains to Jen.  Although, Fray stepped on her belly yesterday and he then gave a real wham-o kick!... He's not going to like it when he comes out and Fray is still stepping all over him... Bummer kid!

I am so very anxious to feel him kick for myself... I stare at Jen like a creep, just waiting for her to say he's very active so I can run over and attack that belly!! I'm not extremely patient, but this little bugger is making me earn it...

I'll keep y'all posted on his sweet 'moves'...

Think like a man?!

Many people may think that because we are gay, that we get some secret manual on how to live, make a baby, and raise a family. Well, I wish!  I had no clue how to have a baby with a woman (but ask me now!), or what to expect when she's expecting (future book title y'all!?). I may have lived my life geared in one direction, but I was not preparing for this in my 20's, I can tell you that!!

There are not any real books on what the kiddo will call each of us, what the non-pregnant mom can expect, the feelings that happen for each mom, who explains that weird thing between his legs (or do we pin it on Peepaw), how to pay for daycare (and how damn pricey it is),who teaches him baseball (not it!)... Granted, he is one lucky kid and we will figure it out, but getting there is pure trial and error (as it is for any new parent). These are some things that most parents struggle with... However, the dad may usually go over the whole weenie thing.. And I think I am stuck with that task. eeek

I can say that I may have an upper hand on most men... Home Court Advantage (don't be dirty y'all).  I have hormones, PMS, PMDD, hate-the-world-for-no-reason days... You name it, if it is a terrible feminine quality, I have it.  HOWEVER, pregnancy hormones still baffle the hell out of me. But besides me, I think Jen is more shocked than anyone, bless her heart.  She is the rock in this group of two, and we have a man down!!!

When she cries for no reason, sometimes I feel like I might go right there with her! I have no clue what to do. It makes me realize.... THOSE POOR GUYS!!!!  What the hell do they do: take up a sport, purchase lots of pregnancy massages, start drinking, buy flowers daily???  I am more understanding than most men would be, and I still have moments of stupidity; I argue back WITH A PREGNANT WOMAN!!  Let me tell you, that is not a good idea.  She is not mad at me, she is mad at Mother Nature for toying with her, and I just happen to be standing there.
She is a hormonal puppet.

For those mothers out there, please tell us these hormonal personality changes are temporary!! Jen is petrified (uh, me too), that these changes will last forever. I hear all the time that no one prepares pregnant women for the changes they go through, and I find that to be true.  I also know that no one prepares the other parent for those changes either!

So, lots of people blow smoke up our arses about how wonderful the process is, and while I am not diminishing this little miracle, there just are not enough realists out there! The changes that Jen is experiencing do not resemble any miracle-like phenomena. It does not hurt the little miracle's feelings for you to be a real person. Let me preface this by saying, WE ARE BEYOND HAPPY, especially since we tried for almost two years to get this little turkey!! That goes without saying... but it is also good for us to plan, and freak out, and worry, OH, and then Freak Out!!! The changes for Jen are tough, I'm trying to adapt, and we know our lives will never be the same.  We have a great life, we love hanging out alone, with friends, and just doing what we want, when we want, and having a little money to spare. We are better off than many many people.. and we are grateful. 

However, that does allows for a moment of mourning for this life, and transition into our new life as parents.  Once he arrives we will be drunk with happiness, and all these arbitrary things will fall into place. Love will take over (at least for a few weeks until we are sleep deprived), and we will mosey on into mom life!  What we are learning from this experience is that for every little moment of getting what you want, you get a little wrench thrown in your plans.  This is teaching us both to go with the flow more, and to allow ourselves time to adjust, to freak out, and then to relax.

In the end, we get a baby; and with lots of work we get the stable, happy, crazy, fast-paced, sleep-deprived, bags under the eyes, non spontaneous movie night, horrible hair, vomit on our shirts, unwatched DVR, mix-matched socks, non-sleeping in, no relaxing tub and wine session, over-the-top, AMAZING life that we wanted!!





“To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.” ~Tennyson



"Grow old with me! The best is yet to be." ~Robert Browning